It's hard not to compare...

Its been a month today and its so hard to not compare...

Last time at a month in, I was still recovering. My scar twinged when I stood up, and hurt when Sophie kicked me. Obviously! My back was killing me. I had a colicky, miserable baby with a bad dairy allergy that hadn't yet been diagnosed. Because of that, she hardly slept, and only ever on me - so I was getting 2 or 3 hours of broken sleep a night. I was still hurting at the fact that my birth plan had gone so horribly wrong and struggling with the baby blues. I adored my baby, but didn't yet feel like she was MINE. I didn't know how I was ever going to go through that again, although I have always known that I wanted at least 2, preferably 3 children. I didn't want to see people and I was hiding out in my house for a while to come still. When I did see people, I felt disconnected from them and battled to make conversation.

This time, I have no pain (my tear took a couple of weeks to feel 100% again, but nothing compared to a C-section incision). I can cuddle my baby and toddler without any fear of being kicked anywhere. Charlotte is a peaceful, content baby with no allergies and wakes once or twice a night - I cannot say that is definitely from her birth, but babies born naturally are less likely to have allergies. Even with 2 kids under 2, I am still getting far more sleep this time around. I have had the odd day when I felt a bit down, but on the whole I am still on an absolute high from my amazing birth experience. Charlotte has felt like MINE since the moment she was born, and it has been such a joy to bond instantly with her. I was ready to go through pregnancy and labour again from when she  was only a couple of days old (As my doula says, a good birth experience is addictive). And I've been out and about since the day after I had her, just a few hours after arriving home from hospital. I've really enjoyed spending time with friends.

I can't help but feel that her peaceful birth - in water with very dim lighting while I was surrounded by people that I knew and trusted, feeling emotionally and physically safe - has contributed to her peaceful nature. I don't know, but I can't help but compare.